It seems that everyone is talking about Win-Win these days, without really stopping to think about what it means: Is it necessarily the best strategy for managing conflict and building cooperation? And is it even possible in today’s competitive world?
For more than twenty-five years, I have worked across management, customer service and sales, supporting managers and employees who regularly need negotiation skills: to achieve their goals, build cooperation, and manage conflicts with colleagues, employees and managers, as well as with suppliers, customers and partners. And this raises an important question: Is Win-Win really always the right approach?
When is Win-Win actually possible?
To answer that, it helps to look at Jeffrey Rubin’s Dual Concern Model. The model identifies five strategies for managing conflict based on two dimensions: how important my outcome is to me, and how important the other person’s outcome is to me. Win-Win is possible only when both matter to me, meaning that the other person’s outcome matters to me as much as my own. Is that always the case in real life? Not really.
More often, we need to consider other questions: Who is the other person? Is there an ongoing relationship? And what alternatives are available, including the opportunities and costs of each one?
One thing is clear: choosing Win-Win should be a rational and informed decision. That choice shapes how we behave towards the other person and shows up in our communication, the solutions we suggest, the way we frame things, and even our body language.
But if we decide to go for it, what tools can we use?
More than forty years ago, Roger Fisher and William Ury laid out the foundations: people, interests, options and criteria. These four elements can serve as a compass towards Win-Win.
People: Separate the person from the problem
The first step is being able to separate the personal from the process.
When there is good chemistry and a natural fit between people, things can often be resolved easily, sometimes almost by themselves. But what happens when the opposite is true? When we simply don’t connect with the other person, or even strongly dislike them because of their values, language or behaviour?
This is where emotional intelligence comes in. We need to regulate our emotions, focus on the problem rather than the person, put our ego aside, stop falling into adversarial thinking, and genuinely connect with the other person’s needs.
Interests: The quiet drivers behind positions
A position is a statement, a demand, or a boundary in a negotiation. But what drives that position is the interest behind it, and that’s the important part.
Instead of fighting the position, focus on what led to it. Broaden the dialogue, ask open questions, listen and reflect back what you hear.
One small tip: some interests reveal themselves during small talk, so don’t skip it.
Options: Expand the range of solutions
Once we understand what is driving the other person and what is getting in their way, we can look for as many opportunities for mutual benefit as possible.
Expand the range of solutions. Think together with the other person, and don’t be afraid to ask for advice or input.
This gives us two benefits: we increase the chances of finding a solution, and we show willingness and openness, which in turn can make the other person more willing to cooperate.
Criteria: Build fairness into the agreement
Fisher and Ury recommend basing an agreement on accepted standards: market prices, common terms and the usual constraints in the field.
This helps signal fairness to the other person and strengthens the sense that the agreement is genuinely Win-Win.
The bottom line
Negotiation skills can be learned.
Learning, thinking, practising and reviewing our approach can improve our results, both professionally and personally.
And ultimately, that’s what it’s all about.